REAL TEACHERS grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and (at the end of grading periods) have been seen grading in church.
REAL TEACHERS cheer when they hear that April 1 does not fall on a school day.
REAL TEACHERS drive older cars owned by credit unions.
REAL TEACHERS clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.
REAL TEACHERS can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
REAL TEACHERS never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
REAL TEACHERS have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.
REAL TEACHERS are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.
REAL TEACHERS have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
REAL TEACHERS can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.
REAL TEACHERS never teach the conjugations of LIE and LAY to eighth graders.
REAL TEACHERS know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.
REAL TEACHERS know the best end-of-semester lesson plans come from Blockbuster.
REAL TEACHERS never take grades after Wednesday of the last week of the grading period.
REAL TEACHERS never assign essays on final exams.
REAL TEACHERS know the shortest distance and travel time from their classroom to the office.
REAL TEACHERS will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teachers' lounge.
REAL TEACHERS never plan class discussions for first period or cooperative groups for last period during an evaluation.
REAL TEACHERS have the assistant principal's and counselor's home phone numbers.
REAL TEACHERS know secretaries and custodians run the school.
REAL TEACHERS know the rules don't apply to them.
REAL TEACHERS hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.